Panda-kitten

Aug 29

ereboreanbadger:

Ravenclaw: Do it once you’ve gathered enough relevant information.
Hufflepuff: Do it with integrity.
Slytherin: Do it on your own terms.

Gryffindor: Do it for the vine.

Aug 29

quote

1. Don’t try to piss quietly. Nobody in a public restroom thinks you’re knitting in your stall. They came to piss, just like you. And if you have to take a dump, do it. Get over your fear of public toilets. It’ll make life a lot easier.

2. Masturbate. Masturbate a lot. Talk about it with your friends. You’ve got the right to make yourself feel good and brag about it just like all the boys with extra large kleenex packages on their desks.

3. If you want the large fries, get the large fries. Hunger and appetite are nothing to be ashamed of, just human. Don’t ever feel guilty for eating in front of others. You need to nourish your body to stay alive. We all do.

4. Laugh as loud as you have to, no matter if you snort or gasp or literally scream.

5. Fart when you have to.

6. Always remember you weren’t born to visually please others. Forget the phrase “what if they think it’s ugly”. If you think it’s lovely, it is lovely. You wanna wear it, wear it!

7. Speak your mind! You can learn to do so without insulting others or shoving your opinion down other people’s throats.

Seven Simple Ways To Free Yourself, from girl to girl (via notcapableoflove)
Aug 29

fluffy-elephants:

sitcorn:

hey remember that law i forget exactly how it goes but its something along the lines of ‘if you murder someone you go to jail’ whatever happened to that? is that still a thing

only if you aren’t a straight white male

Aug 29

ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done
Aug 29
hipsterjapan:

never forget

hipsterjapan:

never forget

Aug 29

makemusicsocial:

UE BOOM, paint, dance, repeat. Watch as these dancers show you what music looks like.

Aug 29

arielvevo:

I THOUGHT I HAD A FAVOURITE INFOMERCIAL GIF

image

BUT I THINK I HAVE FOUND A NEW FAVOURITE

image

Aug 29

sociallyinadequate:

sociallyinadequate:

I love pine trees cause they consistently look like they’re flipping everyone off.

image

Aug 29
forthefallentac00s:

forthefallentac00s:

this is my baby happy, She is the sweetest puppy you’ll ever meet and she loves everyone she meets. On monday morning she was hit by a car which left her hip bone and her spine fractured (as shown in the picture above: her legs are so messed up she cant sit properly ; she is very doped up on pain medicine rn). She is under the care of doctor lowry at the talladega veterinary clinic. She needs surgery but we cant afford it - the cost is over $5000. If she doesn’t have the surgery they will put her to sleep. This is an immediate situation. you can donate here:
http://www.gofundme.com/dmbczc  
Or you can donate directly to the clinic You can donate directly to the clinic -under Happy’s account. 923 north st. E. talladega, al 35160 or call (256-362-6764)(7am -5pm)
Ive seen people do these types of things for disney land or some other types of surgery, so please please PLEASE help me save my baby’s life, please
If you can’t donate please just signal boost on whatever website you can so someone who can donate can see this and donate.
I have never asked anyone on this website for anything, please i am  begging you to save her life.

please keep this trending !!! #helphappy
IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE BOYCOTTING GOFUNDME SO I MADE A NEW WEBSITE YOU CAN DONATE TO http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/please-help-save-happy/225994
GOD BLESS YOU CAN PLEASE CONTINUE TO SPREAD THIS AROUND PLEASE

forthefallentac00s:

forthefallentac00s:

this is my baby happy, She is the sweetest puppy you’ll ever meet and she loves everyone she meets. On monday morning she was hit by a car which left her hip bone and her spine fractured (as shown in the picture above: her legs are so messed up she cant sit properly ; she is very doped up on pain medicine rn). She is under the care of doctor lowry at the talladega veterinary clinic. She needs surgery but we cant afford it - the cost is over $5000. If she doesn’t have the surgery they will put her to sleep. This is an immediate situation. you can donate here:

http://www.gofundme.com/dmbczc 

Or you can donate directly to the clinic You can donate directly to the clinic -under Happy’s account. 923 north st. E. talladega, al 35160 or call (256-362-6764)(7am -5pm)

Ive seen people do these types of things for disney land or some other types of surgery, so please please PLEASE help me save my baby’s life, please

If you can’t donate please just signal boost on whatever website you can so someone who can donate can see this and donate.

I have never asked anyone on this website for anything, please i am  begging you to save her life.

please keep this trending !!! #helphappy

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE BOYCOTTING GOFUNDME SO I MADE A NEW WEBSITE YOU CAN DONATE TO http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/please-help-save-happy/225994

GOD BLESS YOU CAN PLEASE CONTINUE TO SPREAD THIS AROUND PLEASE

Aug 29

ben-c:

"your gender is made-up!!”  ur right. ur so right. wow. guess what. so is yours. gender is a social construct. wow. shut the fuck up. wow.